Someone once told me i had a perfect life

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 17:59:38 GMT

I walk a lonely road
The only one that i have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But its home to me and i walk around

Froze in all directions, forgive me of perplections, shes lost her will, time is standing still

Thu, 16 Dec 2004 13:45:36 GMT

Hey kids

long time no update. Nothing to much is new...Basketball season has started, so stuff is gettin pretty busy. Basketballs goin pretty good--the girls are fun...we have some good times. We get to travel with the guys when we go to games and stuff, so its pretty fun. I miss my Rogers girls though! Good news--i think im coming back to the states for Spring Break, so hopefully i'll get to stop by RI and holla at you guys.

Please just dont play with me, my paper heart will bleed
This waste for destiny wont do
Be with me please i beseach you
Simple things, that make you run away
Catch you if i can...

ahh. good song... I <3 All American Rejects...haha.
yeah, so i thought i was over him...i was good for about 2 weeks, but now im beginning to realize that im not. This is such a repeat of last year guys- but its worse, because the feelings are sooo much stronger. It really suchks, and it sucks even more because i have no where to run. The ONLY person i can tell EVERYTHING to here, is moving like Febuary, so what the hell am i going to do...ahhh! I know you guys are always here for me to talk to ( brianna esp. ) but its just not the same yah know. Ahhh...i really just want to get out of this country. My mom might let me, but my dad is a different story. They think this is like some phase that im going through- having problems and shit. but its not--its like an on going thing. They just dont understand when i try to explain to them. All this, not to mention the intense pressure on me to be the perfect model child- get perfect grades, continue to do well in basketball- ahhh. im beginning to not be able to take it. Andrew used to make things better, but seeing as he shut me out of his life, and only wants to hook up...its not helping. Help me!

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 15:05:39 GMT

[FIRSTS]
First best friend: Kiera Gallagher
First break-up: Preston Swick...6th grade. ahh
First screen name: scoobobs
First self purchased album: the first NOW
First funeral: my Great Grandpa's- RIP
First credit card: dont have one
First true love: haven't gotten there yet...
First enemy: hmm...idk if i have enemies..maybe people i dislike, but no real enemies
[LASTS]
Last cigarette: uh--a while ago
Last car ride: yesterday night
Last library book checked out: haha! WOW- i cant even remember
Last movie seen: Ladder 49..last night
Last beverage drank: Lemonade
Last food consumed: a sandwich- yummy
Last phone call: Ariel
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: brown Birkenstocks
Last item bought: a movie ticket
Last annoyance: like 3 seconds ago
Last time wanting to die: ughh- i've never really wanted to Die, dissappear for a while, go away- yes, but not actually fie
Last time scolded: every minute of everyday, i always do something wrong

[RELATIONSHIPS]
01. who are your best friends? Brianna, Marisa, Jen, Cait, Kiera
02. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no.....
[FASHION STUFF.]
01. where is your favorite place to shop? American Eagle
CD: hm....idk about that one
color of toenails: none- just clear
[LAST PERSON]
you touched: dad
hugged: dad
you IMed: Angie- aka Angela Hommis
you kissed: Andrew...oh my....
[ARE YOU ]
understanding: yes
open-minded: yes
arrogant: meh...sometimes
insecure: very much so
interesting: i'd like to think so
hungry: yes
smart: i try to be
moody: not to bad
hardworking: yes but i like to procrastinate too
organized: nope

healthy: yeah
bored easily: nope, im very easily amused
responsible: yes
obsessed: define obsessed
angry: sometimes
sad: sometimes
disappointed: not right now
hyper: haha...
trusting: yes
talkative: yup

[WHO DO YOU WANT TO ]
kill: no one right now...
slap: people that piss me off
get high with: dont want to smoke

[RANDOM]
in the morning i: shower
all i need is: for someone to realize something, and to go back home
love: l-o-v-e...oh man, love.....
i dream about: my life
Jahovah's Witnesses: umm? i know thats some kind of religion-thats all
last person you danced with: myself...in the mirror- hehe
worst question to ask: "Are you ok?"
who makes you laugh the most: Cait, Bri
who makes you smile: alot of people...
who gives you a funny feeling when you see them: someone
who has a crush on you: uh....idk

[DO YOU EVER]
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone to IM you: i have before
wish you were a member of the opposite sex: nope
wish you were younger: sometimes

[NUMBER]
of times i have had my heart broken: too many times
of hearts i have broken: i hope no ones---maybe 1 or 2
of continents i have lived in: 2

of tight friends: lots- i love yall

of cds i own: a lot...too many
of scars on body: WAAAAAY too many.

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 15:34:22 GMT

W
O
W
I never realized that taking peoples advice really does help. Like, Rach tells me something, and then i think about it, and make myself believe it, then it works! I miss you sooo much Rach! ahhh.
Anyway, life is better now. Andrew and I are talking as friends...who knows if things will ever be the same again, as of now, I dont think so. Yesterday was Thanksgiving- i love that holiday so much...its like a fat asses excuse to eat and get fatter...which in my case, is true. They dont call me big momma for no reason. haha! yeah but then again, you have to spend so much damn family time! I mean, dont get me wrong- i love my family, but I CANNOT STAND THEM! It kills me when i have to spend more than an hour with them...!
Being over here in Europe is like an excuse to spend family time EVERY spare weekend..so that sucks. Every weekend my dad isnt TDY, we have to go to france, or travel around Germany. I know i know, i probably sound like a snob and you folks back in the states are probably like WTF i would love to do that, but after a while...it gets realllly old. Oh yeah. I MADE VARSITY BBALL! yay! This season seems like its gonna be mad fun. We're playing in England this year...and the boys team is going to. You know what that means...sexy bball boys, Kendall, hotel room, and 13 hour bus ride! ohh hell yes. That only equals a good time. ohh man!
alrighty- I think im gonna go raid the leftover pie! yummm

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 07:56:42 GMT

"Anything that doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger"
- Rachal Grady

" This too, shall pass"
- caitlin carey

<3

Sun, 21 Nov 2004 12:14:20 GMT

fuck this

i want to go home

i knew it was to good to be true. why dont i listen to myself?

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 07:24:11 GMT

i love Ariel Heath.
Today, she taped her boobs down because she is retarded.
C-r-a-z-y-n-e-s-s i tell ya.

<33333

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 04:52:03 GMT

hey kids
haven't really updated in a while.
haha-its 5:45 in the morning right now. I had to get up to finish a paper. And im done, so now im writing to yall.

BASKETBALL STARTED THIS WEEK

mad souped. Probably making varsity, and definately having mad fun this year. All my ballas at RHS better do some ass-kicking this year! You know what to do- lets make it to the ship! I wish i could be there with you guys :sad face:

Things with my boyfriend are going well.

umm.. what else....

HOPEFULLY i will come visit for spring break. I might squeeze a plane ticket out of my parents for Xmas or an early birthday present or something. I'd be awesome to see all my RIslanders again. yayyy!

alright well im out to go jummp in the showA

holla atcha girl! (lol)

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 18:12:15 GMT

hello strangers.

I looked into your eyes, and i got lost.

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 18:38:04 GMT

i dont know what to say. i dont know how to describe what im feeling write now. Since he's not here, why not just spill it. the way he makes me feel is amazing. the way he touches me is incredible. the way he holds me is unlike any other. the feeling i get when im with him is undescribable. i cant put it into words. its like im safe with him, no one can hurt me. im shielded from the world of defeat and everyday high school life. he makes me feel so special. he lets me know that i am the only one, and how happy i make him. he always tells me how special i am to him, and how perfect i am. Me, perfect? Depsite all of my problems and insecurities, he tells me how beautiful i am. Every night, a tear crawls down my cheek, because of this guy. he is hands down, a gift from god. Its like God was putting all this shit in my life, and putting me through so much, leading me to believe that things would never work out for me, just so i could meet Andrew. Im not even kidding, if he hadn't rescued me...i would be in a lot of trouble. he stopped me from wanting to go away, and rescued me from all my problems. He talks to me, and im not afraid to tell him anything. i dont care if he sees me crying, im comfortbale around him. I dont feel like i have to spend hours getting ready to see him. I dont have to be anyone im not.If i dont see him for a day, i get really quiet. Why. Why have i been blessed to have someone like this in my life. I dont deserve it. He is perfect.For once in my life, i am happy. What is this feeling im experiencing? is it.....what i think it is? Could it be...love?

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 15:53:53 GMT

hey suckas

how is everything back there?
things here are going better than i expected. Having Andrew has reallllly helped me. Now i hang out with Cait and Ariel more than Angie and all them. I love Cait- shes hilarious. shes such a white southeren girl. she reminds me of back in texas. and Ariel is awesome- we have so much fun together. She has a bigger butt than me...Yeah, so life is goin pretty good. I read yalls live journals and here all the gossip thats goin on over there.
correct me if im wrong but...Asia and Steve, Brianna and Mark, umm...Kimmy was pregnant??? Brianna Brownells parents are getting divorced and her sister hit her mom. hmm lets see. Maggie came home a couple weekends ago and there was a kick ass party. You guys would be surprised on how much i keep up with this stuff.
alright kiddies- im off to dinner and then a "walk" with my man, then to watch movies over here @ mi casa.

Stay away from drugs, and remember- ABSTINENCE IS THE ONLY SAFE WAY!

<33 from big mamma,
K

my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 14:01:06 GMT

yay!
yay!
yay!

you guys- im on top of the damn world. So it turns out that he's completely not what i expected. He's so sensitive and SO amazing. The physical parts can come as they may, but he is definately not all about sex like i thought he was. he is like THE perfect guy for me right now. Like, no joke. Tonight we are going to the volleyball game (undefeated beeyotch!) and then to a movie or something. I really cannot wait. im like speechless right now. AHH! he digs everything about me. i dont have to try and owe up to some priss...which was my worse fear. He doesnt compare me to anyone...at aLL! i'll have to post a pic of him here soon. i think my girls from RI would be damn impressed. Im still wondering how i got him...but i have him and thats all that matters. you know how the chase is the fun part...well this is the only time where i can honestly say that the catch is even better than the chase. we're gonna far. i know it!
<333
a happy little girl

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 07:02:37 GMT

greetings from the hell hole...heidelberg high school

alright. so i've gotten the man.
.Andrew Hartman.
refer to previous journals for the details. I think i made the right choice. Im pretty content. The only thing is that i think he wants to go more than i am willing to go. I guess we'll see. right now we are 'talking'. me and him drive to lunch everyday...its quite fun i might add. we'll see where it goes though. Im trying not to read to far into this and make an Ethan mistake again. this relationship is alot different. im happy. its the one thing that makes me happy nowadays. i just really hope something doesnt go wrong. i'll die.

ahhh. 4 more hours until lunch time. then study with my babyboy! haha

<3 me

boys galore

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 14:12:09 GMT

hey folks
i am so happy right now. this is the first time in a long time that i have been like this, so i guess its a good thing. i dont know why...well actually i do. this whole entry probably sounds self centered, but hey, if you knew how unhappy i was before today...you'd be souped too. okay so 3, yes 3, guys are interested in me right now. i mean, me...not so attractive Kendall. and the thing is, they are not ethan boys, they are like...hot, popular boys. let me explain

candidate #1
Andrew Hartman
-ROTC XO, drive a mercedez. senior. he's a country boy from alabama. he plays baseball. he's tall, tan, and light brown eys. me and him are going clubbin this saturday...hell yes. the only potential problem with him is that he dips. hmmm....but he is GOREGOUS. i reeeallly like him!

candidate #2
Nick Trice
amazing, and i mean amazing athlete. only sophomore on varisty football. has the eurpoean record in the 100 for track. he's an all-star. every girl likes him though. hes the quiet, cool guy. VERY hot though.

candidate #3
Jeff Smrecker
Ahhhh! runs CC with me.junior. AMAZINGLY hot. all the girls wonder why he doesnt have a girlfriend. the popular girls are obsessed, but he likes athletic girls, not cheerleaders. HALLELUJAH! he likes my hands because " their long and skinny" we always joke about getting together. maybe we can one day make it happen

<3
Kendall

for you i'd bleed myself dry

brianna

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 18:06:55 GMT

i need brianna
i love brianna
i miss brianna
i wish i could see brianna
i need brianna to know i love her!
i love how brianna makes me laugh
i miss briannas hugs
i wish brianna could see how much of an impact she's had on me
i need brianna to be happy
i love briannas smile!
i miss sleepovers and silly fights
i wish i could go back to RI with brianna
i need to cry on briannas shoulder
i love brianna!

i fix these broken things, repair your broken wings

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 12:51:55 GMT

h o w d o e s i t f e e l t o k n o w y o u' l l n e v e r h a v e t o b e a l o n e

hey folks. sorry about the updates....i'll try to do them more often.
soo...homecoming tomorrow. not that big of a deal, but i guess im kind of excited. Im wearing black dress paints, and this glittery black haulter top (the theme is marti gras, hence the glitter. I've got some cute shoes, and some chandalier earrings. It should be fun. So yesterday Angie asked me why i never talked and seemed so quiet all the time. I finally finally got the courage to tell here it was because i told her i felt really left out and didnt feel apart of them. So now, they are all going out of their way to make me feel not left out. grrrrrrrrrr. i don't ever think im going to win on this one. anywho. this weekend im going to switzerland for a few days- not to excited about that one. its raining here. i dont like rain. i want to cuddle up and watch a movie. i think thats what im going to go do. until later,

<3
kendall

what you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful

with hopes of starting over, i wish the world could see

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 18:39:02 GMT

alright, so basically it sucks here
i hate it.

but.
i have decided that it is im going to start over.
im going to scribble away all my opinions about this place and start anew.
i think that is the best way to deal with this situation, because i obviously can't get out of it.

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 15:45:42 GMT

i am losing my mind, my sanity, my self esteem, EVERYTHING

and there is no one here to listen

you think you know, but you have no idea

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 12:00:09 GMT

howdy
so right now i am in MUN class, looking up "hot" issues in the world. There is alot to tell you, leave me phone numbers and i'll call you guys! Brianna Maria- i sent you a package...i have no idea when it will get to you though. it was going to be a surprise but im really bad at keeping them. cross Country is lots of fun, but starting to be a drag. I dont know what else to write about so, im outtie

<3

ugh!

Fri, 10 Sep 2004 12:44:05 GMT

I really miss him, and its not who you think it is.

school sucks.

everyone gets what they want except me

classes are so hard

my life is a mess right now.

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 15:51:58 GMT

Wild times at arches! too bad i dont remember half of it.....im turning into a baddd girllll

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 14:36:32 GMT

We finally moved into our house yesterday! I must say....very nice house. Some of you will have to come take a trip across the ocean and visit. Last night went to see Alien vs. Predator( which is the GAYEST thing i have seen) with Jill, Bobby, and Ang. I think i have my "group" of girls....Mary, Gaby, Jill, Angie, and me.
All 4 of them are OBSESSED with Abercrombie and Hollister...worse than my Gap obession, but i still love them. They kind of make me feel bad sometimes though, for not wearing 100% vintage abercrombie all the time....which surprisingly im not anymore.

....
Jill: reminds me of my best friend in the world...Kiera. Shes SO sweet. Blonde hair, 5'4.....cute girl! has a boyfriend in the states who she ADORES

Angie: we all know the story behind her ( see past lj entries) Right now im the closest to her, but she seems to be kind of ditching me for Jill. She thinks everyone is always watching her, shes kind of a bitch.

Mary: shes cute. very nice...her boyfriend...Elliot, is goregous, i think they are about to break up though

Gaby: shes the quieter one, very opinionated, shes kind of slutty...when shes drunk she asks for sex.

.....and those are the girls so far. I've met lots more...but i hang out with these chicks the most. Gaby, Mary, and Jill, are all best friends...me and angie kind of joined.

we'll see how they go.

i think i need to hang out with other people.......also.

Tonight we're going to hit the arches ( actual arches behind the castle, where american kids party) because is Illumination...Heidelberg Castle...lights up, fire works, its supposed to depict the scene of when the castle was burnt down.

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 13:14:28 GMT

Broccoli- Your a healthy person which is not a bad
thing it's very good it's nice to see that your
taking care of your body and thinking of
yourself in the right ways...but...this is a
junk food test what are you doing here?

JUNK FOOD QUIZ! What junk best decribes you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 13:09:03 GMT

I don't know what to do.
I mean i REALLY like him
but at the same time....
he's out of my league,
but he's NOT, thats the problem.
::sigh:: oh the troubles
i mean, i'd be wrong
R E A L L Y W R O N G
but its happened before
can't it happen again?

love song

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 12:39:40 GMT

how ever far away
i will always love you